I have the opportunity to speak to so many women through my practice, our women’s organization, Suits, Stilettos and Lipstick, and in my inner circle of great friends. Recently I noticed a running theme through these different groups, many of these women were feeling not just tired, but completely drained. I listened to them run through their endless to do list items, stories of how much work they tend to bring home with them, hours of running errands – most of which were for other people, and of course how little they sleep in order to get all this done. When I pose the question “How do you fill your cup?”, I get a series of laughs, comments about how they do not have time to go to the bathroom let alone fill their cup, or jokes about how they fill their cups with either coffee or wine….. If this is sounding familiar, this blog is for you.
First of all, what is this proverbial cup that everyone is talking about? Well, simply put, it’s a vessel that does not leak. Meaning when you fill it, it doesn’t leak out but instead is able to hold what nourishes you most. Now, these cups come in various sizes, colors and shapes. This is not a competition, your cup is personal to you and should meet your needs. Here are some tips I share (and often have to remind myself, too) on filling your cup as needed.
First things first, recognize you need a refill! If your mind doesn’t tell you, your body definitely will. If you are always feeling exhausted, the most minor things make you cry, or you’re feeling angry and lashing out, your cup is empty! Monitor your feelings, behaviors and reactions. They will tell you whether your cup is full or drained.
Next,you must fill your cup with things that only allow you to focus on one thing….YOU! I used to think going to get my nails done was filling my cup until I realized that while there were working on one hand, I was singlehandedly working on my phone with my other hand. That doesn’t count as cup filling.
If you don’t know what fills your cup, try some of these on:
- Take a bubble bath (without your phone)
- Watch a “chick-flick”
- Take a nap
- Go to a yoga class
- Grab coffee or wine with a friend who brings you up, not one who commiserates with you
- Take a walk or work out
- Read a book or a magazine
- Play with your child or your pet
- Snuggle with your partner
- Get in your garden
- Stand in the sunshine
- Close your office door
- Turn on your favorite music
- Just breathe (Deep breathing exercises)
- Play guitar or other instrument
If these seem simple, it’s because they are! Refilling your cup isn’t complicated, nor does it need to be extravagant. Doing any one of these, and countless other cup filling activities, will recharge you so that you can get back to kicking ass that day! It will also help you to think more clearly, get more done, and lower resentments. If you’re getting pretty good at filling your cup, there is another level. Ready to level up your game? Accept help, accept a compliment (without downplaying it) and open up to someone you trust. Again, these seem simple, but for so many of us, they are hard for us to do. However, when we do, we ask ourselves what don’t we do this activity more??? So let’s commit to doing more of what makes us feel fulfilled! Seems worth a shot to me.
Cheers to filling your cup!